A Typical Day

Let me start by saying, this truly is the norm at our home. I don't know how I got so "lucky" to be blessed with this goofy crew that I call my family but nonetheless; I got them. 

I woke up to my son's behind in my face and him ripping a fart that would put grown men to shame while he screamed, "how ya like that? Oh yea!"

After I regained consciousness and unsuccessfully attempted to retrieve my sense of smell from my burned nasal passages; I headed to the bathroom to get in the tub. After a few minutes, I heard some commotion in the living room. Not uncommon in our house...but this one was different. I could hear the dog scampering and my son giggling, so curiosity took over and I got out to see what was up. As I walked down the hallway, I saw my son running around completely naked and before I could even speak, I felt myself starting to slide. As I hit the ground propelling towards the bar, I got a clear visual of what was happening. He was trying to pee on the dog! He was running all over the house, peeing on EVERYTHING, trying to get some on the dog. That's also when it hit me, the floor wasn't wet this morning. Yep, I was on my son's personal urine slip n slide. Back to the tub I went! 

I had enough time to finish bathing when again, I heard something in the living room. This time it sounded like our dog running for her life!  A few seconds later, here comes the dog running full force through the bathroom door and right into the tub with me. She looked like something from a southern decadence parade! She was every color of the rainbow. Obviously, Deuce had found the sidewalk chalk and decided that our predominantly white pup, needed a little color. I got out of the tub again to take the chalk away and now bathe the dog. Our son and daughter came into the bathroom at this point to see what's going on as our dog hates to be bathed and was causing quite a commotion. Our daughter apparently picked up on the fact that I was about to lose it and belted out her beautiful version of "let it go." However, it sounded more like a cat in heat and the dog darted out the room. As she ran, she knocked our son over causing him to hit his head on the door frame. He, of course, started screaming. I picked him up to comfort him and check out his latest head injury but I heard a sound coming from beside me. It was our daughter...gagging! I didn't understand why until I pulled our son's head from my shoulder and the string of snot he had created while sobbing was hanging from his nose to my hair. Before I could tell her to turn away, I felt the splash of vomit on my leg and foot. So, back in the tub we went...

Just a typical morning in our house, so the moral of this story is...don't judge your co-workers who show up drunk at 9am, you have NO idea what they've been through already!